-by Kathy Hendricks

The complaints appear like clockwork in Ann Lander's column. Grandparents bemoan the lack of manners in younger people. A wedding guest frets about whether or not her unacknowledged gift has been delivered to the couple. A friend feels undervalued by a lack of response to an extension of kindness. What they all have in common is the absence of a thank-you note.

When I was growing up note-writing was a given. After each birthday, Christmas, and other occasions of gift-receiving, my mother made sure that my siblings and I expressed our thanks to aunts, uncles, and grandparents through the use of cards, notes or letters. This turned into some creative wordplay when the gift was one we didn't like.

I followed my mother's example and taught my own children to write thank-you notes. They, too, grumbled and procrastinated. My persistence seemed to pay off when I saw the card my twenty-two-year-old son mailed to his grandmother this past Christmas. He sent it on his own with no need of my presence or prodding.

My mother's lesson was an invaluable one. "We have so many things to be thankful for," she would remind us. I wasn't always sure what those were, but the message began to sink in. Eventually I started to pay attention.

What I noticed was that my mother would speak of our blessings during times of family crisis. It wasn't contrived or manipulative. By being thankful she seemed to find an anchor, a place of respite and calm in the midst of fear, heartbreak, or uncertainty. Gratitude will do that.

Many years later, I was given a copy of Sarah Breathnach's Simple Abundance Journal. It provided a year's worth of writing space, three lines a day, to record one's blessings. I took it up during one of the most difficult periods of my life. In the end, it was akin to writing a thank-you note every day. Just as in childhood, it was not always easy to spot the "gift" that had been extended to me. My mother's words, reminding me to make note of my blessings, returned to me more than once.

In retrospect, the journal helped me negotiate my way through that tumultuous year. As part of a daily routine, I learned to recognize that the cultivation of gratitude is a spiritual discipline. It doesn't change the events in our lives but it does alter the way in which we view them.

Parents do well to nurture gratitude in their children. It provides a way to view the world from another perspective. It unveils the speck of goodness in the midst of chaos and tragedy. It opens our eyes to the "more" that is just beyond our peripheral vision.

My nephew was married last summer. Three months later a thank-you note arrived from his wife. The care with which she wrote it explained the long delay. She took her time and three sides of a card to express her thoughts. She recalled their out-of-state wedding and how glad she was that I could attend. She noted her admiration of our twenty-five year marriage. And she promised to fix dinner for us with the gift we sent - a ceramic lasagna dish. I saved the card and I read it over now and again. It never fails to touch my heart. Someone taught her well.

Kathy Hendricks is a free-lance speaker and writer specializing in topics related to spirituality and family. She has over 25 years’ experience as a religious educator and minister.

Submitted: February 22, 2002