My catholic education has included concepts of self-sacrifice, ”offering up sufferings for others,” etc. Are these actions for the benefit of others or oneself or some other purpose, i.e. possibly a transformation of some sort? — Denise

Dear Denise,

This is a very key question and also a deeply personal one since we each approach the realm of service and gift of self in different ways based on own make-up and calls. Some of us carry a heavier burden of physical or emotional pain than others do.

It sounds like your being – body, mind and spirit – is trying to find a balance in some area of life and has already realized that the gift of self does:

• Benefit others,
• Benefit oneself, and
• Effect a transformation.

These are each an aspect or dimension of self-giving. Our Catholic belief in the Mystical Body of Christ unites us with everyone and gives us a unique role to play in this body. We are part of one another in a way unseen but often felt. If we can hold a vision of the well-being of the whole Body of Christ, of all people, of our planet with everything on it, this will affect our view of every single small or large act of self-giving. This changes why we want to give and how best to do it.

In a reverse sense, when suffering something painful, the thought of others who bear with far worse can give courage to carry our part. And it can be a consolation to intentionally join my suffering to the suffering of others, with the hope of helping them because strength, will, and creativity grow when we are trying to overcome a difficulty. This intention changes the pattern of thoughts, and we can use suffering to create moments of healing and hope. This act changes, refines, and develops our human capacity for love.

Jesus lived to bring to others a fullness of life. He did his part for us all not by seeking out suffering but by responding to what came to him. He gave to others healing and respect, hope and forgiveness, vision and life. So self-giving isn’t artificial but a response in love to life and to God. Christ is with us in this and wills our happiness as much as the happiness of others. The prayer of St. Francis puts words on a reality we often experience: “It is in giving that we receive.” There is a natural flow here, and the giver is always also a receiver; and the receiver one who gives as well. Isn’t this also at the heart of gratefulness?

There can also be times when we need to use some tough love on ourselves in order to grow. So asceticism can have a place, but it should never be an end in itself, only a way to see more clearly. Fasting can help one to pray; silence is a deep gift allowing one to hear God and one's heart; and an act of giving can free one to see just how blessed one is. Like exercise, such acts in moderation make us stronger and wiser.

May the Spirit of Christ’s love guide you to a deeply rich and true answer to this important question.

United in a life of grateful living,
Sr. Michaela Terrio
Sky Farm Hermitage