Today, I felt grateful for the gift of being able to look at my fear of feeling left out. I wished I could have seen how that same fear operated in my father -- before he died. By telling you, do you think he can hear me? — V.

Dear V., what a tremendous gift to see this fear clearly and understand how it affects your relationships. When you meet your fear of being left out, you strengthen your trust in the belonging which is your birthright. Thus you can now travel further into love, which Brother David calls "a 'yes' to belonging."

It's hard to say whether your father is aware of your telling me now about your realization. But surely any progress you make in your life -- especially when it directly concerns your father -- gets communicated to him in some fashion and helps him move forward, too.

You can be even more direct about this process if you want. When you can carve out a few quiet, uninterrupted minutes, you can light a candle for your father and write him a letter telling him everything you'd like to say right now. At very least, that will ease your mind, but it's quite likely that you'll actually be in touch with him in some way during that time, too.

Of course you cannot mail the finished letter through the postal service (they've come a long ways in recent years, but not that far!). But you can "send" it either by putting it in a special place that contains a family memento, or -- if you have a woodstove or fireplace -- by giving the letter to the flames with a prayer that its message will reach your father.

Each of our relationships has a trajectory that death doesn't destroy. We see its arc in the inner changes we undergo when we remember deceased loved ones, and even in outward changes as we continue to mold our lives in response to theirs. We're given astoundingly ample time for healing our relationships. It's up to us to make good use of that gift, as you seem to be.

Blessings,
Patricia Carlson