My daughter, in her 40s, has been in ill health, without housing, and struggling to make ends meet for months now. I just had a most distressing conversation with her – she’s depressed, feeling worthless, useless, hopeless. I tried to rekindle the light in her heart, and am not at all sure I succeeded. What concerns me greatly is that she seems determined to look for housing only far away from our family -- with "need" to be "alone." She’s been staying temporarily with a friend but feels extremely ill at ease in his crowded apartment. What I am trying to do is support her emotionally as best I can and to continue to inquire among friends in our area about possibilities for housing. I feel that it's imperative for her to live near loved ones. Is there anything more I can do? — Helen J., Austin, TX

Thank you, Helen, for the depth of your caring about your daughter during this terribly difficult time. Offering support doesn’t always mean doing more; doing less also has a place. Sometimes even despair has a purpose, and sometimes solitude is a must. Your daughter’s “need to be alone” reminds me of what our creature friends do in the wild when they're sick, creating a healing field around themselves by moving off into the woods for awhile. Your daughter seems to be going through a life-changing transition, and may truly need space and even separation from people she loves. If you keep that in mind as a counterweight to your understandable desire to help her and to keep her near loved ones, perhaps it will take some of the pressure off you regarding decisions that only she can make.

It's so much easier when you're down and out to respond to someone's loving listening if they have no underlying agenda, because you can then find your own wisdom and also let in their love, offered with no pressure whatsoever. That particular quality of presence may seem beyond reach for you as a mother who after all does have an agenda: her daughter’s well-being! If so, you can try meditating on an image (such as a hummingbird) that represents to you lightness and freedom. Also you can do everything possible to take care of yourself, because your daughter picks up intuitively on your own state of mind, heart, and health.

Wishing you both well,
Patricia Carlson