"The more I know of mankind - the more I love my dog". I often feel this way. I simply do not like people (or they don't like me). I'm frequently the victim of some bully or other and simply am more peaceful alone. Q: How can you love your neighbour when he's a jerk? (Bless you - I find a friend in your gratefulness web site) — PMA, Montreal, Quebec

First of all, please give yourself credit for your fine choice of favorite animals! At their best, dogs are known for their loyal companionship, and, as Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson notes in the title of his book about their emotional world, "dogs never lie about love." That you're drawn to these qualities in the animal kingdom shows that you, too, have a large capacity for sincerity and faithfulness in your relationships.

Perhaps you've even had a few experiences of relationships with humans that come close to this high standard dogs hold. But by and large you're happier alone. Most likely, that's for one of two reasons: either by temperament you're drawn to solitude, or else you've been hurt often enough or badly enough that you want to steer clear of any future attacks. Chances are that a little bit of both reasons plays into your preference.

Knowing how to be peaceful when alone is a great gift. So you don't need to change that aspect of your life. But you do want to enhance your ability to be peaceful around others. Could this area be one in which you could learn from the goodness of dogs? When a dog has been mistreated, she rightfully becomes wary of the bully. She needs to see repeated demonstrations of a change in behavior before she becomes comfortable approaching her former enemy. But except in cases of extreme abuse, she will not generalize this caution to all her relationships. She will continue to trust and even adore people and let them prove themselves worthy of this devoted attention.

If you could pick up the scent of that trust just a little more than you have now -- if you could hold back the judgment that someone's a "jerk" just a little longer -- you might fall into a happy surprise: People have a great desire to love and be loved, and when you prove yourself loving, you bring out the best in them.

It does concern me to hear that you're frequently the victim of bullying, though; in that case, it's not surprising that you'd be inclined to retreat from humanity. Since your wisdom about animals and your reverence for peace point to your sensitive nature, you might want to cultivate the quality that balances out sensitivity: courage. Think of these two qualities as a pair. You may even want to build them into a meditation: For instance, you can visualize a peaceful image alongside a protective one – say, a lioness beside a placid pond. Or you can invoke these qualities by name: "Ah, peace! Ah, courage!" You’re not calling them like strangers from outside; rather, you’re activating them deep within yourself, where they’re already present.

If you find that these pointers seem inadequate or do not make a dent in your struggle to become more loving, then the time may be right to talk with a professional counselor about these issues. Sometimes we get wounded so deeply that it takes special nurture and effort to undo the damage. Of course this is also true of dogs; we've all heard stories about dogs who, after years of abuse, get taken in by loving families and do learn to love again.

Love's power to heal even the worst of wounds is quite miraculous. Once you deeply experience that healing, you will instinctively know how to recreate it in yourself and others. Then the world around you will "go to the dogs", but in the reverse of the usual sense!

With warm appreciation,
Patricia Campbell Carlson