I am hurting! Yesterday, my tenant who is always three months late with the rent, told me he would pay in full in a couple of days. It turned out to be another lie. It really hurts to feel this disappointment, especially that I need the money. As I sit here with this hurt, everything is irritating me! Just sitting with this uncomfortable feeling, rather than acting it out is I guess what Br. David means by being grateful for an opportunity? But, I must say -- I don't feel like being grateful! — Vincent, Nepal, South Asia

To have your tenant once again let you down does sound extremely frustrating, Vincent. You graciously gave him more time, even when you needed the money. You hoped this reprieve would give him an opportunity to show you another, more reliable side of himself. But here you are again, without the rent payment, stuck with feelings of betrayal.

You ask a great question: What would being grateful look like in this case? Probably it would not mean letting this tenant continue to take advantage of your kindness. Gratefulness here would more likely mean creative use of Reinhold Niebuhr's well-loved prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

That wisdom is all yours, and so no one can tell you what to do. But it seems to me that this feeling you have of being about ready to jump out of your skin is a warning sign that you've been used one too many times. So while you may need a certain measure of serene acceptance, you'd be wise to look at what changes you can make to insure that you get the rent which you need.

Without knowing how the landlord and legal systems work in Nepal, i can only conjecture what this might mean for you. Perhaps telling your tenant that it's now time to move along, and then looking for someone dependable to replace him? Or might it mean taking legal action to get the overdue money? But yes, before taking any steps like these you'd want to make peace with your uncomfortable feelings. Otherwise, you'll be lashing out rather than simply following the trail of real justice.

Still, exactly how does gratefulness fit into this picture? Is this situation drawing out a needed quality in you: For instance, the strength to stand up for what's right, or the ability to give your own needs the same weight that you give to the needs of others? That would be cause for gratitude. In spite of this financial strain, do you find your basic needs for food, shelter, and companionship met? That would be cause for gratitude. Is this problem reminding you of any issue from your past that still needs attention and healing? That, too, can be a gift. And what about the opportunity to be creative, to try something different, and to see how the situation turns around as a result?

So without being hard on yourself, listen to the voice in you that says, "This disrespectful treatment must not continue," as well as the voice of compassion, which i imagine has held you back so far from taking action. If you can find a more balanced equilibrium between these two voices, then the irritation will probably dissolve of its own accord.

With all best wishes,
Patricia Carlson