I'm finding that I want to spend most of my time in spiritual reflection, education, and not in the usual role as a wife, mother, and common woman in society. I feel isolated because everyday I am on the spiritual websites, reading in the park, and in prayerfulness. I am turned off by the lure of a sexual relationship, because it is just not where my mind is at. I want feedback about where I can find other people like me. I basically live a monastic life, and am not in any way ready to change this to something more status quo. About ten years ago, I ended a life of sexual relationships and relationships with troubles, and the usual teens and twenties experience. I never want to return to this lifestyle. I want to learn forgiveness and gratitude. Where should I go to exist like this? — Diana

+Dear Diana, to have woken up, like you have, to a life with depth is a great gift, but surely it is not easy to feel that you no longer fit in. We all need to share what deeply matters to us; hence your question, “Where can I find other people like me?”

Since you say that you “live a monastic life to some extent,” you will probably have much in common with others outside monasteries who do so. Many of them are associated with one or another monastery, and are called “oblates.” The word comes from the Latin “oblatus” – offered up. Though living everyday lives in the world, oblates have, like monastics, offered up and consecrated their lives to God.

There are thousands of oblates, and their numbers are growing. You can find out more about joining them at this website for Oblates OSB (which stands for Order of St. Benedict). If there is no monastery in your area, there may yet be an oblate group meeting near you. You can find that, too, by exploring the Oblates OSB site. Other religious orders, especially, Franciscans and Dominicans, also have lay groups associated with their communities. You can find those under Third Order -- called “Third” because there are two vowed orders – one for women and one for men – and a third one for people who do not take vows but live deeply spiritual lives in the world under quite ordinary circumstances.

This will come as a welcome answer to your question, “I want to enjoy a spiritual life…where should I go?” Right where you are, your life can be fully and joyfully spiritual. A recent article on the Beliefnet website, “Praying on the Job,” shows that convincingly. I do hope and pray that you will find contact with others to share, and so multiply that joy.

-- Your Brother David

Additional resources:

Buddhist monasteries, too, have structures to accommodate lay practitioners. If your background is Buddhist, you can find references on this list of Buddhist Centers.

Find Sufi Centers in the United States, Canada, and Australia.

Find Vedanta Society groups.