I force myself everyday to stay on this earth. My last incomplete try at suicide was Dec.,02...please address the subject/send me to a special article..give me hope... — L.

Dear L.,

You must have tremendous courage, even though you don't feel that way sometimes. Life is indeed difficult, and yet here you are, still remaining on Earth, still looking for hope. Some part of you hasn't given up yet and recognizes that your life is precious and that someone you haven't even met might care enough about you to reply to your email. So you are not alone. Simply knowing that another human being understands how desperate you feel is a gift. So please know that my heart is with you.

Suicidal feelings are themselves a gift, believe it or not. They let you know that something in your life, internally or externally, needs to change. In that sense they're similar to physical pain, which lets us know our bodies are injured and cry out for healing. Just so, your desire to leave the planet serves to remind you that you haven't found the love and support you need to live each day in that certain knowledge that your life matters.

Brother David Steindl-Rast, who founded this website, defines love as "a yes to belonging." That "yes" is not easy for you to say. Perhaps you have a deep sensitivity towards the Earth's own woundedness in our times, which makes you despair for our future. Perhaps you've been abused physically, emotionally, or spiritually, so that you no longer know whom you can trust. Perhaps life has thrown you so many challenges that you feel exhausted and simply don't see how you can go on anymore. Well, then, you have reached a true turning point. There are depths of goodness and gladness and compassion in the universe and within yourself that you have yet to explore, resources that can get you past your current hurdle and into the midst of the life you were born to live. You've reached a threshold of limitation, and beyond that lies an abundance of caring and renewal that you actually do already sense to be near you. Otherwise, you would have given up long ago.

So where do you go from here? You can reply to this message and say more about your specific circumstances; i'll be glad to listen. You can search your heart for the friends or family members you most trust, and be honest with them about your troubles as you've been honest with me. You can count on prayers of loving support. You can take this opportunity to consider how you can bolster your physical and emotional resources: walking in the beauty and bounty of nature; eating healthy, vital food; getting sufficient sleep; looking for chances to see life through a child's wondering eyes. You can seek out professional counsel: ideally, in person; but if you're not ready for that, you can buy or borrow a copy of Dr. Jay Cleve's Out of the Blues: Strategies that Work to Get You Through the Down Times.

The very name "Down Times" carries some consolation, suggesting that this difficult phase will pass. A whole different set of feelings -- joy, confidence, peace, assurance -- can open up to you...and will open up, if you keep searching for a different way of being. So i offer you the faith i have that you will not only recover, but flourish, and i pray that you can soon find the same faith within yourself.

Blessings,
Patricia Carlson