Brother David, I am a Benedictine Oblate. The Rule of St. Benedict asks one to live a life of stability within your community. However, I am living in a very difficult family situation and wonder how to step back, let go of the everyday difficulties in the present moment with a heart of gratitude? — A., CA

+As you say, Benedictine stability refers to faithful anchorage within one’s community. The interaction with that community, however, may take a great variety of forms. Different seasons of life may call for different ways of relating to others.

The stepping back of which you speak may in itself be a form of relating. At times, some distance may be necessary in order to rescue stability. Stepping back for the sake of faithfulness is, in some cases, the very condition for holding steady.

There are many ways of distancing yourself. When the pressures get too great, sometimes it feels impossible to be grateful. Gratefulness demands a certain breathing space.

In a difficult moment, when you cannot physically get away, you can feel your breath flowing in and out, repeat a mantra or short prayer, or visualize an image that gives you peace. If you can get away, a brief walk might do, but you may need more than that, a day off or even an extended time apart. It is always good to alert your family to your needs; it helps them understand why and how you are stepping back. They may even have some helpful suggestions.

Even in monasteries, monks get daily periods of silence, hermit days, and sometimes longer stretches of living by themselves. For people in families, the need for retreat is even more acute, because the everyday pressures are greater. You oblates do under much more difficult circumstances what is made easier for us monks by the monastic environment and schedule. That’s why we look at you with grateful admiration.