The Gift of Elders
Our culture does not value aging. It demands a special effort to find reasons for gratefulness in getting old. But when we look at the gift that many old people are to younger ones, we find abundant reasons for gratitude. This message board offers a space to share both the stresses and the blessings of old people.

Welcome to "The Gift of Elders" message board!
- Daniel Uvanovic, Webmaster   7 Mar 2003

I did not know what blessings one would receive by giving back the care that our parents gave us until I took care and loved my mother the last four years and seven months of her life. I was able to understand and admire so much about this woman who had seemed so distance from me when I was growing up. God gave us a second chance and I realized that I really had not grown until then. I thank Him everyday for opening my eyes and my heart.
- BWM, NJ   7 Mar 2003

The question I have here is, what is old? At what age do I become an elder? Is it the AARP's 50 or the Social Security 65 or is it when I consider myself to be old? For some people, like my father, that could be 80. Right now, I'm 62 and am at the best and most gratifying place of my whole life, doing what I most love and involved in vital relationships with friends and family. Am I old? By what standards? Any idea? (I used to think 30 was old, rembember those days?)
- George, New York   8 Mar 2003

My elderly mom has a brain disease that causes forgetfulness. On days when she is able to remember a tiny detail I've mentioned to her, it is a real blessing. It's also a blessing to have her make it to the bathroom in time without having an accident. Growing in my love for her as she looses her capacity to do things is an expansion process for me.....yet, another blessing! (I didn't know I had this capacity in me!)
- Beth, USA   9 Mar 2003

George! Good question. There are days I feel old and tired and worn. Then there are days when I feel the mantle of elderhood drop on my shoulders. I like the second one the best. The name of this site is “Gift of Elders.” The key here is track record and the gift of wisdom. Our gift is that we are still here! I was talking to my classes the other day about the tough times we are in. Tears began to well up as I began to tell them about my parents who survived the depression and WWII. I was amazed at how they remained upbeat and hopeful people. I dearly wished I could sit down and ask how this happened. I encouraged my students, before it is too late, to do the same with their elders. This is a wonderful place to start those kind of conversations. Thanks for asking, George.
- Cheryl, Portland, OR   10 Mar 2003

When I'm in love, I feel ageless. I could be 22 or 62, the world is vibrant, the colors bright, and I feel connected to the whole wondrous streaming now. So the answer for me is to always be in love, as madly as possible, living in and open to the present moment: in love with nature, birds, beauty, music, my dog, my friends, each creature on this amazing earth that is our home. To love is also for me to continue to learn and wonder, to look at stars, to gaze at coral reefs, to be stunned by the variety and diversity of life. To love for me is to ride the present sacred moment to bliss and joy.
- Zen, USA   13 Mar 2003

As a young man, I feared getting old. Having grandchildren, a perspective, my heart is filled with joy that the trivialities of life are little more than an itch on my soul. We humans obviously have the capacity to grow in compassion and understanding. We can choose to create within our being an understanding that transcends nationality, gender, or spiritual dogma. Getting old has meant aches and pains, tremendous losses through death of loved ones, and problems too numerous to mention. Yet, it has also slowed me down enough to watch the sparrows construct a nest, to meditate upon those that share love, and know that for me to appreciate my food, I need to chew it. There is still a kernel of fear about this aging process, but my Faith is rooted in the belief that, "...as ye sow, so shall ye reap."
- Howard, North Carolina   3 Apr 2003

As a young, divorced, working mother of 2, I was often stressed, overworked, always tired and often short on patience and long on worry. Now I'm a grandma and faced with raising a grandson of 12 who is socially imature, ADHD and because of distance in the past I know little about. To my surprise I find myself having more patience, though little understanding, with having a child in the household 24/7 after such a long time. I am more willing to let this boy be who he is but at the same time try to teach him things he should have already learned. I do become somewhat frusrated about how he has not been taught the everyday things a child of this age should know, if he been given the proper attention and guidance as he grew up. I try not to let the frustration show to him, but at times I feel as if I'm swimming upstream. Once again I am a single parent. I pray the good Lord will give me the strength and wisdom to help this boy to become a man he can be proud of.
- Linda A., Mississippi   10 Apr 2003

Linda, as a teacher one of the many surprises delivered in rough wrapping has been the “unfinished” young man who plops himself into one of the desks. One thing I’ve learned is that the “man” is inside the boy. Look for it. Encourage and coax it out. Appeal to the strengths that are emerging. Nothing gets the attention of a kid better than someone who appreciates and recognizes. Look for the nobleness that is there. I once had a student who wrote about going beyond what would have been expected of a 13 year old to honor his grandmother. He came from a tough background. Nothing came easy to this family. I replied in his journal with something about the nobleness of his act. He came up and asked if I really meant it. “Yes I did, Sir Sean,” was my reply and gave him a little bow as one would to a knight. He is now nearly finished with high school and every once in a while he’ll swing by the middle school and he’ll straighten up, stand tall and nod and I’ll give a little bow. Recognize, coax, and encourage. Blessings, Linda, and courage.
- Cheryl, Portland, OR   16 Apr 2003

My father passed away in December 2002. I have been spending more time with my Mom. I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old boy. The joy that my son brings my Mother is truly a gift. Mom has been sharing stories with me of her childhood in Germany. Although she is deeply saddened by the loss of her husband of 55 years she still finds the strentgh to go on. Mom is 79 years old but she acts much younger and does look her age. I believe she has the key to growing older, stay young inside. She is my source of wisdom, my model for being a mother and my best friend. What a treasure it is to listen to her stories.
- Mary, Milford Delaware   29 Apr 2003

The great humorist and philosopher Will Rogers was often de-meaned for his roots in the far reaches of Oklahoma. "The call me a rube and a hick," he was quoted as saying, "but, I'd rather be the fella that bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the fella that sold it to me." These words have helped me keep things in perspective when the seduction of the world begins to work upon my soul. Keep your values straight, don't do anything for the approval of humans. Go within, feel the light and realize what is important is not acceptance, but love. Never be hurt because you "do not fit." You are always welcome at the table of the Creator.
- Howard, North Carolina   6 May 2003

My uncle is the only one of my parent's siblings that I've known. His wife recently told me that due to Alzheimer's, he has been put in a nursing home. Although I've never visited him often over the years due to distance, visits with him as a kid were always full of fun and laughter. He would tease us and always hold our attention with his deep voice, his clogging, and his adventurous spirit. He is a WWII vet and has a purple heart. But to me he had a heart of gold. I've felt sad to hear about his bout with Alzheimer's and the stress that his wife and family are going through. I'm very grateful for the wonderful memories I have of him and the joy he has brought me over the years. My mother adored him when she was a child and I can see why.
- jmk, kentucky   16 May 2003